It’s hard to believe Game of Thrones season 5 has already ended. Probably because, until the last few episodes, pretty much nothing happened. But we finally have a lot to talk about, so we better get to it…
First of all, Stannis. His wife kills herself after letting her daughter be sacrificed (women are emotional and merciful), and things don’t go much better for Stannis himself. He attacks Winterfell with, like, 12 soldiers and it does NOT work out. Luckily, Stannis survives the fight, which gives Brienne the opportunity to kill him herself and finally avenge Renly’s death. You go, woman.
Sansa uses the opportunity of Ramsay being out of Winterfell for a minute to try to escape and call for help. Unfortunately, Myranda catches her and tries to prove that she’s just as messed up as her love-boy Ramsay. However, Theon FINALLY redeems himself and, before Myranda manages to shoot Sansa with an arrow, he pushes her off of the bridge.
Theon and Sansa need to escape — and fast. They hold hands and jump over the wall, hopefully into a really high pile of snow. We don’t see them for the rest of the episode, but I think it’s safe to assume they survived (maybe with some broken limbs). Thank god. It’s too bad Sansa didn’t have the chance to kill Myranda herself, but hopefully she’ll be the one to kill Ramsay. I’m really looking forward to that beautiful day.
Next is Arya. She steals the face of a young girl and surprises the nasty Meryn Trant, killing him in a very disgusting way. It’s gross, but incredibly satisfying. Obviously, Arya, like every woman doing something powerful in GoT, has to be punished. First, we think Jaqen is going to kill her, but instead he kills himself, which apparently doesn’t matter because he’s nobody. Then, Arya goes blind. I don’t know where they’re going with this, but I would like to stay with the old, badass Arya and her revenge, please and thank you.
Meanwhile in Dorne, it seems like everything is going great. They have finally achieved peace and love and rainbows. Jaime leaves with Myrcella and Tristane, but not before Ellaria kisses Myrcella on the mouth. Everyone seems a little uncomfortable, but they assume that these are the ways of these strange and overly-sexual exotic women. Myrcella and Jaime have some great father-daughter bonding time on the ship, and Myrcella tells him that she knows he’s her dad and she’s happy about it. Why is everyone so accepting of incest all of a sudden?
Just seconds after Myrcella and Jaime hug as father and daughter for the first time, she starts bleeding and passes out (and, because this is GoT, it’s probably safe to assume that she dies). We learn that the love and peace Ellaria was showing Myrcella was just an act, and she actually poisoned her with her lipstick. Classic womanly move. Myrcella was spoiled, but I liked her and I’m getting pretty sick of all of these women and girls being killed left and right. Other than inflicting violence on women, does Game of Thrones know any other ways of pushing the story forward? Inquiring minds want to know.
Back in Mereen, the gang seems to have survived the mob (after being abandoned by Daenerys). They are in a predicament without their queen, and eventually decide that the brave men, Jorah and Daario, will go looking for Dany. Tyrion will rule Mereen, with the help of Missandei and Grey Worm. Considering that Tyrion just got there like two days ago and knows nothing about the city, I don’t know how that’s going to work, but I guess it was the same thing when Khaleesi arrived there, so why not?
Meanwhile, Khaleesi is in the middle of nowhere, with a wounded dragon and no food. She is suddenly surrounded by thousands of horse-riders with big spears. They’re quite reminiscent of the Dothraki, but could very well be a totally new group of people we haven’t met yet. We’ll have to wait for the next season to find out.
Back in King’s Landing… I don’t even want to talk about it. But I will anyway. Cersei confesses to sleeping with her cousin and begs for forgiveness from the Gods and from the creepiest High Sparrow. I really hate this guy. He tells Cersei that, since she won’t confess to the other sins she’s been accused of (like having babies with her brother), she will still have to face trial. But he’s oh-so-merciful in that he lets her go back to The Red Keep to be with her son. Only one little problem: she has to go there by foot, naked, while being publicly shamed by thousands of people.
This scene was SO long and difficult to watch. Cersei’s Via Dolorosa feels like it takes up about half the episode, and I’m not totally sure if it was necessary. I guess it helped us feel her never-ending suffering, but I don’t think GoT needed to revel in her pain so much. I’m also not one of those people who really hate Cersei, so I was already feeling sorry for her. A bit of an overkill, GoT.
Melisandre, who skedaddled the minute things started going south with Stannis, shows up at Castle Black, where Sam just left to go become a Maester. There are all sorts of theories about the Red Woman’s future in Castle Black, but, for now, she simply delivers the bad news (making it sound like Shireen died in the fight and not in a sacrifice). We have more important things to talk about anyway…
Jon Snow. Damn. What can I even say? Those bastards. Those stupid, stupid bastards. I really didn’t think they’re going to give up Jon Snow (we’re running out of characters here), but I guess that’s why we love Game of Thrones. We’ll see how the Night’s Watch will manage without him. I wouldn’t mind seeing most of them slaughtered by White Walkers. Sorry, little orphan boy. I have no mercy for you.
And that’s it, folks. The fifth season has come and gone, and mostly things changed for the worse. My biggest hope for the next season is for Sansa to defeat the Boltons and rule Winterfell. I’m also quite curious to see what will happen with Cersei and Margaery, as well as with Dorne. If Cersei isn’t too busy being publicly humiliated, we might have a war on our hands.
I think it’s safe to say that this season was a tad more boring that we’ve come to expect from Game of Thrones. We can only hope that the next one will be better. Less violence against women, more interesting storylines. That’s all we ask for, dear GoT gods. Now it’s time for all of us to recover from the trauma that was GoT season 5, and come back refreshed and ready for more violence in a few months. See you then, fellow addicts.